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Summary: Youth today need to think critically about the spouses they choose. In this age, appearance and looks seem to occupy the mind more than seeking timeless character traits that make a happy Christian home.

In answer to the question, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” the real question that should be asked is, “Who seeks?” Is it not too often the case that young men ask, “Is she cute, exciting, etc? and not, “Is she a woman of integrity, is her character of good report, etc?” 

Some time ago, while I was reading the news paper, the question was asked “What Do You Men Marry?” The following reply was no less than true:—”Some young men marry dimples; some ears; some noses; the contest, however, generally lies between the eyes and the hair. The mouth, too, is occasionally married; the chin not so often. Poor partners, these, you will own. But young men do marry all these, and many other bits and scraps of a wife, instead of the true thing. Such as the marriage is, such is the after-life. He that would have a wife must marry a woman. 

If he can meet with one of equal social position, like education, similar disposition, kindred sympathies, and habits congenial to his own, let him marry. But let him beware of marrying a curl, or a neck, however swan-like, or a voice, how ever melodious. Young ladies do also make some terrible matches, and unite themselves to muscles and whiskers.”

Could you see a man on his wedding day saying “I take this straight nosed, regular teeth, luscious lips, pretty feet, musical skill, and money, to be my lawful wedded wife.” Good qualities are far beyond all these put together. A woman may be very plain in her personal appearance, but if she have good qualities of character she will prove a real treasure. A step like this, involving so many serious considerations, ought to have that deliberation which shall insure the full consent of the judgment and the heart, therefore—No intimacy should be seriously entered upon until you have made yourself acquainted with the personal habits and friends of the young woman. In other words, mind where you pick her up. 

Acquaintances of this kind should not be hastily formed. The saying that a man only married his wife, and not her relations, is only true to a very limited extent. He becomes one of the family the moment he joins hands with a daughter of it at the altar, and he takes a share in it, for the better or the worse, in good or evil report, for the rest of his life. Act from principle rather than from impulse.

Remember, you want a companion whose society will be acceptable at all times and under all circumstances, and as you look about you in search of a partner, ask yourself the question, “Will she be a suitable person for me?” If you are wondering whether a bar, a club, a casino, or theatre, is a good place to pick up a wife: we should say certainly not.

But if you find a young woman in the habit of attending a place of worship, a Bible class, a gardening workshop, or such like places, then she is very likely to be a suitable person to marry. Wisely, I say, you must seek wisely; not jump to conclusions without evidence. Bear in mind that it requires a sensible woman to make a sensible wife and a good mother, and, as there are a great many deceptive ones about, “mind Whom You Marry.”

Taken from the book Happy Homes and How to Make them. Download this book for free.

John William Kirton Was a 18th century Christian and prominent author of many acclaimed religious books, famous for Happy Homes and How to Make them, as well as The Four Pillars of Temperance.

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